There's Always a Place for You
My daughter was home/visiting for an overnight and we did our fun mother/daughter day which included pampering and shopping and eating foods we normally do not partake in. It is a time we both look forward to.
No longer are we used to the day-to-day activities of each other, as she has been away at school, working during vacations as she grows in to greater independence. Although I surely miss her I understand her need and I agree that this is “her” time. We began to converse about her upcoming internship. She is interested in fashion and technology and wants to use her advertising major to pursue those dreams. Location.
I was concerned that my suggestion of her “getting out of dodge” and really heading in to a bigger city location to network and experience would feel like a push to her. Much to my relief, she wanted that for herself. She was afraid that I would not let her leave her job so that she would be able to relocate for a semester. She mentioned that to me and I was happy to cut her loose from that responsibility so she could dream – plan – embrace the uncertainty of change. We ran in to several people who spoke to her about her plans. They all assumed that she would graduate and come “home” to live…back to our city…our state…where she “belonged”. It hit me. It hit her too. Our conversation changed to where she might live in her lifetime and where she might “plant” herself.
Would I be there? Would it be close by? Who would take care of me if I needed it?
It hit me funny. I do believe in multi-generational families living together, albeit with rules and expectations and space clearly defined. As a matter of fact, I have often offered to have my parents live with me. We have become a society that doesn’t want to “impose” on each other. I don’t feel it on my end yet I know that my parents do on their end. Somehow it signals a lack of independence and that seems to read as a negative. I have counseled with multi-generational families to help them define and articulate living, emotional and financial arrangements that work for them before they “join forces”. In this moment, in conversation with my daughter, I had not viewed this in my future. Odd. I suppose conversations often can catch us off guard.
Long ago, when I spoke to my daughter about my will and desires for burial and arrangements, she quickly left that conversation as she was not ready to engage in those thoughts. Here we were, having conversations now that were groundbreaking yet again. And as we closed this conversation she said, “There is always a place for you.” It struck me.
Would I see this as a personal weakness? Would I welcome this? Could we adapt and see this positively?
I decided to enjoy the moment and generosity of thought.
